I remember a few years back when I asked my wife the question, “Who do you think is more romantic, me or you”? I was pretending to be innocent because I was sure that she would admit it was me. That would make me feel good about myself; and it would also point out to her that she needed to step it up a bit.
What happened next totally caught me off guard. Instead of getting the answer I expected, she said, “I don’t think either one of us is that romantic.”
What! What about all the lunches or dinners that I take you to? Or what about the movie dates? Or what about the sweet things I say to you or the way I help out at home?
She told me those things are great… but they’re not necessarily romantic.
I was stunned! She might as well have kicked me because after all this time I thought I was a pretty romantic guy. And now I’m hearing that I’m a nice guy, even a good husband, but not romantic.
One of the greatest complaints from so many married couples is that their relationship has lost its spark. And as vague as that sounds, we all know exactly what it means. We enter marriage believing ours will stand the test of time – that the ecstasy we were feeling during our dating and engagement will continue right on through our entire married life.
Then somewhere, somehow, at sometime, reality deals us a harsh blow and we stagger from the realization that we have to fight forward in our marriage just like so many others. Now we wonder if our relationship is even going to make it or if the lost spark means that we are no longer loved or in love.
This is where so many couples live their lives. They question the foundation and strength of their marriage because they no longer feel the love. So what is romance? What should it look like between a husband and wife?
Romance is one of those abstract properties that can mean different things to many people. Although being romantic may not be exactly definable, it is certainly describable. Just ask any woman. As you sit in the movie theater, you can hear their “oohs” and “aahs” whenever something “romantic” takes place between a couple.
An act of romance involves doing something to express one’s love or affection in a uniquely meaningful way.
- Personalize it. We don’t all define romance the same way. What works in your marriage may not work in ours. You can’t approach romance with a one-size-fits-all strategy, expecting the usual flowers and chocolates to be the all-encompassing answer for every occasion.
- Presentation matters. Our partners want to know they are important enough to us that we would be willing to go the extra mile. Package that romantic effort with sincerity and originality.
- Be passionate. Take a look at the lovers in the Bible. They start right off full speed ahead. “Kiss me—full on the mouth!” (Song of Solomon1:2). Kiss each other frequently and passionately.
- Plan ahead. While spontaneity can be incredible when it plays out right, romance typically takes some planning. Make an intentional effort to be creative and thoughtful. It won’t just happen by itself!
- Practice, practice, practice. Only the two of you can turn your marriage relationship into the storybook romance you want it to be.
Determine to build a strong and unbreakable commitment to your marriage covenant. Declare that each other is worth it.“He’s one in a million. There’s no one quite like him!” (Song of Solomon 5:10). “There’s no one like her on earth, never has been, never will be. She’s a woman beyond compare.” (Song of Solomon 6:8)
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